12/18/2010

It only took 2 years

but I finally passed the 100 post mark! What a two years it has been.  I have gone through some big upheavals in life, yet I am still standing, although not that straight. LOL My mom has been on my mind a lot the past week, Christmas was her favorite time of year.  I remember as a child coming downstairs and there wasn't even floor space because of the piles of gifts.  Our house was always decorated top to bottom and the decorations stayed up until well after the New Year.  She loved watching us Christmas morning opening that perfect gift,  I think she got more out of that than anything else. I know now as a mom how she felt. I love watching the surprise and excitement on my kids' faces as they open their gifts.  You can see just one example of the gift mountain in the picture. Yes on the TV is playing the Yule Log program. My dad loved it and he now has a DVD of that Yule Log. This year Christmas will be different, we will get together at my oldest brother's home to celebrate.  I know change is hard, but I think this is a good thing. Being out of our family home for this holiday I believe will make it easier, at least for me. Last year I had a hard time trying to keep a smile on my face and keep it together, being in the house without her just intensifies the feeling of sadness and grief. My mom will be there celebrating with us whether we are in her house or not. After all, she would never miss a Christmas celebration with us.





 I don't need a Angel on my Christmas tree....I already have one in Heaven looking down on me.

12/15/2010

Changing my way of thinking

or at least trying my hardest. As the saying goes, you are your toughest critic and believe me, no one is harder on me than myself. I am trying to change this and man is it hard! You would think it was simple, but it isn't especially if you have been telling yourself for 20 or so years that you aren't good enough. The list goes on. I never felt I was pretty enough, skinny enough, smart enough and was always striving for more only to end up back at the place I was feeling even more dejected. Instead of saying "Look at me World, this is who I am and I am pretty awesome" I hide in the shadows almost too afraid to even talk to new people. Thanks to the help of some new friends and my therapist I am trying to see myself as they see me. Apparently what I do in my daily life is pretty great according to some, but I just see it as what I need to do. Yes I am forever running here and there, but there aren't many who don't. Yes, I educate myself the best possible way and seek to get all the help for Nick with his ADHD and Lauren with her speech delay. But I don't find any of those extraordinary, as a parent we are the only ones who can fight for our children's rights and you can bet your ass I will be there front and center. I have lost my mom, my best friend and somehow did not allow the grief to crush me. I have children after all that depend on me even when I don't think I am good enough for them. I love my children to death, but some days I am so frazzled I think what the heck is going here? When did I grow up and become a mom to 4!! Those days are always the worse. I get so down on myself for not doing enough with the kids, not playing enough with them and worrying are they growing up right? Are they going to be the kind of adult that I envision or will they become couch potatoes destined to live with me forever? (Please no!) When I am my wits end with them and want to run away I think of a friend. She has a beautiful son and a great husband. Although she wanted more children, at this point they have not been blessed yet with another biological child of their own. Does she wallow day in and day out with self pity? Nope, she pulls up her big girl panties and throws herself into her son's life. If that wasn't enough, this selfless couple are now foster parents and taking in children to love and care for because their parents can't at the moment.  Going from one child to multiple children virtually overnight would possibly make me a little loony, but she just seems to put on a smile and continues ahead. You know what? I look up to her and when I grow up I want to be like her. Perhaps my lack of faith is the problem. faith in myself and in God. After all we are all just part of a bigger picture right? I always believed that everything happens for a reason. So instead of saying why me while Nick is in a full out tantrum, I try to think why not  me? Perhaps I was specially picked to be his mom.  No one promised that this road called life would be a smooth straight line. What is the fun in that? The pot holes in that road makes it that much more interesting. Please forgive me if I am babbling, it is 3am and I have not had any sleep tonight.

Now what you have been waiting for, Elvis. he decided to hang out on the computer the other day.

12/11/2010

Elvis is getting creative.

I know,  I have missed a couple of days but it has been one of those weeks.



He really enjoys the decorations.


Hanging out by the canisters.




This morning he decided to hang on the kitchen fan. 

12/08/2010

He's hanging out in the kitchen today

Elvis decided that he wanted to sit in the phone holder we have in the kitchen. Unfortunately the magic of Elvis has not helped my kids with their behavior. I think he may be bringing a note from Santa tomorrow morning.


Nick goes to see his doctor tomorrow and I think he will be upping his medicine dose. After speaking with his teachers and observing him at home, I have come to the conclusion that his medicine is no longer lasting the 10 hours that it used to. I hope that this will be the trick to his behavior after school if nothing else.



I had to get an MRI yesterday of my brain. I had one back in June and they found I had a lesion, but the doctor was not concerned. He wanted a repeat this month to see if it has grown or if there were more. Of course the radiologist couldn't tell me anything which is so frustrating. So now I have to wait and twiddle my thumbs to find out the results. The MRI place did give me a disk with a copy of the scans and I being the curious sort had to check them out. Of course I have no clue what I am looking for, but I found it neat to be looking at my brain. I discovered one picture that was a view from the back of my head. It shows a sad face. LOL While is it creepy, it is also pretty neat.  Maybe this is the cause of my depression, my brain is sad. I wonder how one goes about making the brain happy again?

12/07/2010

He really seems to like the decorations

Elvis showed up this morning on another decoration. this time he was a little bit daring and chose one hanging off of the curtain rod. I sure hope he has a good grip!

















Don't worry, I am still doing the together forever Tuesdays. Today's card is Show up! I think this is a really good one.



12/06/2010

Poor kid

I may have scarred Alexander for life. He had a hard time going to sleep and staying asleep last night and I think it was because Elvis was in his room watching him.  This morning though, Elvis relocated to downstairs on a Christmas decoration. Hopefully he gave Santa a good report for yesterday. Nick's mood was not the greatest this morning, but maybe he will be better when he gets home. Ha! Who am I kidding? Anyway, here is Mr. Elvis trying to blend into the scenery.

12/05/2010

Elvis the Elf

The Elf on the Shelf has arrived in our house! He magically appeared upstairs in the boys' room while all of us were downstairs. The kids were pleasantly surprised and a little freaked out. They kept asking if I bought him I told them no that I had just noticed him as I walking past the boys room. We decided that Santa must have sent Elvis special delivery this morning. The kids decided on Elvis by themselves. My mom loved Elvis. So I am going to keep you up to date on Elvis whereabouts. I think his report tonight to the big guy will be pretty good. The kids were rather well behaved, with the exception of Nick stalling by every means possible to not go to bed.


Poor little guy must have had a rough flight from the North Pole. He needed to lean up against a bear for support. 

12/04/2010

Let the snow battles begin!

Yes, you read that right. Here in the wonderful Midwest, the first snow fall of December has fallen and it is wet and heavy. The perfect type to make snow forts, snowballs and snowmen. The kids are itching to go out and play and I have to admit I am too. LOL The battle I am speaking of does not mean snow ball fights, nope it is the fight over the shoveling of the common sidewalk. You see, I am in a condo but we are set up more like townhouses where we each have our own separate doors. If I shovel, I shovel all of the common sidewalk and I even go past my house and right up to the neighbor's door, since that is the neighborly thing to do. Right? Well, apparently my neighbor doesn't share my views on this subject. You see every year they shovel from their door, on the common sidewalk up until my stoop.  So, they walk on a nice shoveled path until they get to my stoop, then they have to walk through snow. Makes a whole lot of sense. Yes we have snow removal people but they usually don't get here until the snow is super high or almost melted. Yeah, don't get me started on that.  So I went out this morning and low and behold, they have shoveled up to my stoop. Fine, you want to play it like that, bring it on.  I proceeded to shovel off my stoop, my other neighbor's stoop( a nice one), the common sidewalk from my stoop, past the nice neighbor and into the parking lot. I then shoveled a path tho my car and the nice neighbor's car. I would have been nice and shoveled to their car, but now they can bite me.   I took some pictures so you can see how it is
  
 



12/02/2010

I am running away and you can't stop me.

The chaos and fighting at my house between the children has reached epic proportions. It has been a long time since I dreaded the time they got out of school everyday.  I dread mornings and  basically anytime #1 & 2 are home. Sad I know, but that is my reality. This morning for example I am awoken by my kids fighting with each other and then arguing with me because they aren't allowed candy from today's Advent calender. Yes folks, I am a horrible mommy for not letting them have one piece of candy at 6:30am before they have even had breakfast. Someone call the cops.  So I explain that the candy can be eaten after school. Guess what #2 did? Pulled the piece out, started putting it toward his mouth all the while repeating that he is going to eat it because it is already out. He finally puts it back after much yelling on my part and arguing on his. I finally told him the whole thing would be garbage if he ate the candy.  I seriously would have tossed them. What the heck, I hadn't even had coffee! That right there is a crime, maybe I should have called the cops. Hmm, being locked in a cell by myself for a while doesn't seem too bad right now.   They don't even care that Christmas is just weeks away, because as #2 put it this morning, "Go ahead and call Santa, he sees what we are doing all the time anyway and will still bring us something!"
You know what, the little monkey is right. I can't not give my children something for Christmas as much as I would like to. *sigh*   A certain Elf should be arriving in a few days and I hear he reports back to Santa on behavior every night. Perhaps, he will bring a letter back to the kids from the big man. 

So, if any of you parents out there have any advice for me, that is besides running away or ducting taping them all to the wall, I would love to hear it.  

11/30/2010

Card #3

I still have 30 minutes left of Tuesday. Here you go, Card # 3 Create a World



11/23/2010

Together Forever tuesdays Card #2

This week's card is to Go Away!  I am going to scan the cards so you can see exactly what it says to do.






So, when was the last time you went away? I know for myself and my husband we have never gone away together alone since we have had kids. We have no one that is willing to take the four kids for us even for an overnight. I guess I can see why. It is too bad I can't cash in the credits I have definitely saved up babysitting for my nieces and nephews. LOL It would be nice though, next year is our 10 year Anniversary. Hopefully we can at least go to dinner and perhaps a movie. Who am I kidding? It will probably be Chinese take out after he has worked a 11 hour day.

11/16/2010

Together Forever Tuesdays

So I am going to start something new. I recently came across a box of cards and it was labeled 52 Ways to Stay in Love Forever  By: Lynn Gordon.  I was just going to toss them in the Goodwill bag when I decided to hang on to them. So every Tuesday I will write about one of the ways to stay in love forever. We must have gotten these for our wedding shower and I don't recall buying them and I know Andrew would never have bought them.

So here it goes,
Make out. According to the card, it claims it is never too late to start making out. So there you go, make out with your significant other more often and perhaps you will stay in love forever. 


BTW, tomorrow will be a  week since I have gone off Facebook. The jitters and shakes are gone and I have long since stopped frothing at the mouth. I will probably make my way over there at some point tomorrow, but I doubt I will stay long.

11/15/2010

I went to Facebook!

I have to say, it was not my fault. I had clicked on a link on a fellow blogger's site and it took me there. However, as soon as I saw where I was I closed the window even though I noticed that I had 2 friend requests waiting for me. I wonder who they could be? I guess I will find out tomorrow. The worst time trying to stay away was the weekend, but I did it. I realize that I was FB as a distraction for the stresses in life. While that is not a bad thing, I also need to pull on my big girl panties and face them head on.

We have been doing some small renovations in our place the last month. First, I decided to paint the hallway, after all I bought the paint back in June. Then I decided that I hated the carpet on the stairs and hall. Seriously, the stuff was disgusting! It was old, worn down berber. So I ripped that up much to the chagrin of hubby. Then the banister looked cruddy so that got a fresh coat of paint. We also got new carpet for the stairs and hall. Yesterday hubby installed new exterior doors. I am pretty excited because the storm door is the one the screen rolls up into and the interior door has the blind in between the glass panes.  I start think about what project to embark on next, but then stop. LOL  It is just so much work. I would like to repaint my kitchen and living room, but I think I will hold off until the summer. Then again, who knows?

11/11/2010

It has been 24 hours

and so far so good. Not that I haven't been tempted, but I was able to stay away. LOL The hardest time was early this morning when Lauren decided that I should be up at 3 am. There is not a whole lot to do at that time, instead I watched a couple of shows I had on my DVR. Rather than play on FB yesterday, I watched a bit of TV with the kids, took them on a bike ride, and we ended the night playing a game on the Wii and watching an episode of Billy the Exterminator. All in all, it was a fun day. Today they are all (thankfully) healthy and back to school. I went to the store, not to buy, just to walk around and enjoy getting out of my confinement. You can bet I washed mine and Lauren's hands thoroughly after. LOL We'll see what today has in store. It is a beautiful spring like day here in the Midwest, normally it would be in the 50s, today a nice sunny 70. Perhaps a walk and a visit to the park is in order.

11/10/2010

An experiment

of sorts you can say. So, I love Facebook, I do. I can go on catch up with my friends and their lives, live in a make believe world where I am a farmer, frontier woman and even live in an old civilization. I can look through pictures of friends and family, get my horoscope, and even post what is on my mind. So I am going to see how it is to go without FB for a week starting now, 11-10-10 @ 11:21am CST. I  think I can do it. I know I have crops that will go bad and my Frontier will get over run with grass and skulls, but who cares? It is just a game after all and even though it is a ton of fun, it doesn't take the place of living life. So I am going to connect with people through the phone and email this week. I am going to tackle those odd jobs around the house that FB has been so gracious to help me ignore. Who knows, maybe I will never go back........

11/09/2010

Stomach Virus 2010 has arrived

Yippee! Actually, it is my husband's fault and I completely blame him for it's descent into our home. After all he jinxed us. I don't know what he was thinking the day he uttered the words "the kids have been pretty healthy so far this school year." Even as I was trying to shush him, I knew that we were doomed. After all, any well seasoned parent knows that you should not utter such phrases, just like you shouldn't wake a sleeping baby.  It started just a few short days after those words were spoken. It began with me, then Nick about four days later, then Lauren a few days after that. It was then Alex's turn and now today it is Allison and Andrew's turn. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that I was lucky enough to get it a second time. In between Alex & the last two. I was actually sick the same time as Alex. Andrew had to call off to stay home to take care of us and now the poor guy has it. I feel his pain and I completely sympathize, but after all, he did have it coming. LOL Just kidding (kind of). So today will be spent taking care of my sickies and disinfecting the house. I have my fingers crossed that this is it for the school year.

BTW, those aren't my fingers, just some random ones I found on Google.

10/24/2010

The party was so much fun!

We all had a great time, just sitting around and talking while enjoying some yummy treats. As promised, here are some pictures of the treats. My guests are already trying to talk me into having a another coffee party. Perhaps I will....







One favor, clear coffee mug with chocolate spoons, coupons and a coffee scoop. 

Other favor White and black mug with the same stuff.





Coffee Central

Homemade chocolate spoons.

Treats! 
My biscotti that came out really good!



Banana Split Cake
and a close up. 
Lemon Bars







10/22/2010

So, I'm having a house party tomorrow.

What is a house party you may ask? Well, I was picked by www.houseparty.com to be a host for one of their parties! I am so excited. It is for Folgers coffee and Land of Lakes Half & Half. So I invited a whole bunch of friends over for coffee, desserts, and some girl time Saturday night. Which, yes required people to RSVP. *giggle* I did get more rsvps this time around, but you know what? I am not letting it bug me as much this time. It is their loss. So on the menu is chocolate chip biscotti, ( I am making them for the first time from scratch, we shall see how it turns out.) banana split cake, lemon bars, coffee cake, and butter cookies. I may also make some brownies or cake. I also bought some flavored creamers and plan on buying some Kahlua. Yummy. I'm sure that the people I invited are shocked that I am hosting this at my house. I haven't had a party or get together at my house in over  4 years. Not since Nick's 3rd birthday party when he pushed my niece off the bed and she ended up with 7 stitches in her head. Our place is not big and it is cluttered. I tend to be very self conscious of it. However, those are my issues and the people that are coming tomorrow night are not coming to critique my cluttered bookshelves or stick there nose up at my unmatched kitchen chairs. They are coming as friends to just hang out.  I hope this is one step closer for me to realize that good enough is well, just good enough.  Don't worry, I will delight you all with pictures of Saturday night's spread. Now I am off to take a peek at the biscotti......

10/14/2010

I've been missing my mom a lot lately.

I mean, I always miss her, but when she passed away  a hole formed in my heart that will never close. I think that is probably what happens when someone you love dies, they take a part of you with them. Life has been, well, life. What more can I say? The month is flying by so fast and before I know it the holidays will be here. Yikes. I think that is part of what has me missing her so much. Even though this will be second holiday season she won't be here, it feels very much like the first time. Last year I was numb I guess you could say, but now the pain is seeping in. I have been having more panic attacks than usual and I know a lot has to do with the feelings of grief that threaten to take over, but I try to repress for the sake of my family. I hate going to my parents' house. I mean I truly hate it and just the thought of going there causes the panic to rise. I still go once a week to see my dad and help out around the house as much as I can. The entire time I am there however I keep looking at the clock and wondering how fast I can duck out. I don't know how he can stand living there alone. I am always on edge and short with the kids when we are there. My mom brought so much life and happiness into the house that now it just seems like an empty shell. When we would walk in she would always have a smile even when she was sick. I would go over there and stay all day on Saturdays. My husband works a second job, so it was a good way to break up the day. The kids and I would go over and clean the house and just hang out. That is probably why I may be the only person who dreads the weekends. Saturdays just seem to stretch forever. While I enjoy not having to worry about get lunches made at 7am or the fights about getting ready, I find myself to this day going to call her. Because if I wasn't at her house on Saturdays, you can bet I was on the phone multiple times with her.  I am not saying that I don't have people to talk to, I do but most of them are busy with their own families and husbands on the weekends and I hate to bother them. Thankfully my mother in law doesn't mind my calls. Last weekend she came over to help me with the house. I was feeling so overwhelmed and was having such a bad panic attack. I feel sorry for people who don't like their in-laws. Mine are great even though they can get on my nerves, but no more than my own parents and siblings do. ☺

                                           Here is my mom and me at my preschool graduation.

10/08/2010

Okay my latest gripe with people.....

R.S.V.P  according to the dictionary, it means 

  1. Definition of RSVP
  2. : to respond to an invitation
  3. Origin of RSVP
  4. French répondez s'il vous plaît
which translated means please respond.


What has happened to society that people no longer to feel the need to RSVP to something when it clearly states to please do so? We don't put that 4 letter abbreviation on invitations just for the fun of it. Is it really that hard to call someone and say yes, no, or maybe? Because, if you can't make it, I am not going to expect a reason and my feelings won't be hurt. What hurts is when people act as if you never invited them to something. Even if you call and say maybe, that would be a heck of a lot nicer and considerate than just completely ignoring the invite all together. So from now on, the next time I have a party and you don't RSVP in some way, then I will assume you will not be there. So don't be surprised when their might not be enough food, games, favors for you and yours. I will no longer be calling people to see if they are coming either, because that makes me feel like pain in the ass. Okay, griping is over. Oh, and have a great weekend!

10/07/2010

The person you need

is Nanny McPhee. Capital M capital P. Heck yeah, bring it on. Nanny McPhee is my new hero, even though she is a fictional character. What mom doesn't dream of a person swooping in and getting their children to behave and listen? She is the woman of our dreams.  Seriously though, this whole job of parenting is a lot harder than it looks. I can usually tell the people who have no kids or perhaps just one infant in the stores, they are generally the ones who look at me like I am a horrible monster while I am pulling Alexander out of Wal-Mart  and he is screaming "You awe huwting me!" (He still doesn't have his r sound down pat.) Even though I am barely holding on to him while he is throwing a fit because I refused to buy him a toy that he does not need nor deserves. It feels as if they are judging me as a bad parent, someone who can not control their child by just the one outburst. While a lot of the times, the people with children give you a look of sympathy, stay out of the way and often times whether they realize it or not are smiling to themselves and thinking "Thank God it is not me this time!" I understand now more than ever why God has made babies and children so cute and adorable, it is so you don't realize how hard it is going to be. The same can be said for puppies and kitties. Take Miss Lauren for example, at least once a week she determines that I don't need but a few hours of sleep at night. As much as I want to be annoyed, I can't. After all, who can resist the loud smacking sound of an 18 month old's kiss? Or how when she hugs me, she still likes to sway back and forth and hum to me?
Now that Allison is 8, she is starting to get out of that adorable stage and has jumped right into the attitude, you can't tell me what I need to do. Oh boy, shouldn't there have been some sort of gradually going into this stage? The first time she told me that I didn't to need to tell her what to do and that she could do it on her own, I stood there with my mouth open. After all, here was my sweet helpful one who I never had a problem with and she's telling me no!  I don't know how long I just stared at her. I knew I had a choice I could let it slide or attempt to address the situation. After taking a deep breath, I told her that it was fine, but she was not to ask me for anything for the rest of the day.  Fine! She responded to me and turned round mumbling something to herself. Let's fast forward to a couple of hours later when said child wants me to make her hot chocolate. Guess, what I said? No. I explained that since she feels she does not need me to do things I ask of her and that she doesn't need me anymore that she was on her own. Needless to say she didn't get her hot chocolate that day. Perhaps it was an immature way on my part to react, but I need to teach them that I deserve the same respect they give their teachers and friends' parents. I ended up getting an apology from her that evening and I did not continue the next day with not helping out.  I think hope she learned her lesson. I guess that is something we will find out soon enough.

9/29/2010

I was stabbed!

Ok, it wasn't a real stabbing, more like an impalement, but the title got your attention, didn't it? LOL I was walking in the living room (with socks on I might add) and stepped on the eraser part of a pencil with one foot, while I impaled myself with the sharpened end. The whole thing happened so fast that I didn't even realize I had stepped on something until it was sticking out of my foot! (Yes it went right through my sock.) Holy crap it hurt so bad. My husband was outside so I had to have Alex, my 4 year old run out to get him. I couldn't pull it out because it was so far lodged in my foot. I was either going to puke or pass out from the pain. If I wasn't tyring not to pass out I would have taken a picture, because let's face it, that would have been an awesome, although gross picture. So instead, you should be satisfied with my war wounds and the instrument of torture.

Is it ironic that the pencil that got me has smiley faces on it?
Yes the tip was nice and sharp and that is my blood on it. 


Ouch. The entry point.


I could use a pedicure. The red mark to the left of the spot shows how far it it went.



Now that I have totally grossed you out and quite possibly made you puke in your mouth, have a great day!
 







9/20/2010

Monday is almost over!

Yippee! Today is one of the reasons why people loathe Mondays. LOL It started this morning with Nicholas deciding that while I was getting dressed that he should go outside and spray our hose up in the air to make it rain. I forgot to add that it was about 65*, but he was smart enough to put on a raincoat. sigh I am sure people on the next block heard me yelling at him to get in the house. This would be the reason that the spigot handle has been permanently taken off and hidden, of course that hiding spot has to change often because Nick is good at sniffing it out. Off to school we go, only to have to run back home after they go inside to get their water bottles. So then I have to drag the younger two out of the car so I can bring the kids' water bottles inside. I told them from now on it is their responsibility to remember them and I will no longer bring them up there since they do have water fountains at the school. I take Alex to preschool and then the running begins. I had about four errands I had to run before I had to pick him up two and a half hours later. After I get him, he go to a few stores trying to find an affordable bed for Allison. Oh, that is right I forgot to mention that he bed completely broke in half a couple of days ago. No one was jumping on it. All that happened is my tiny 45 lb 8 year old sat on t. So after a frustrating trip, two crabby hungry kids, we ended up home empty handed. After all, we really don't have the money for that right now. Thankfully my dad had an extra twin frame that he is going to let us borrow until we get the money to buy a new bed for her. Geez, I hope he doesn't hold his breath. While hubby was at my dad's picking up the frame and a dresser, I took the kids to Nick's Pre-Karate class at the local park district.  That went well, but it will not be repeated. Back home to try and get it cleaned up since I was gone all day. I also had to take apart Allison's old bed and get rid of that. After that was out, I cleaned at least that small part of the floor and vacuumed. We finally ended up eating about 7:20, which is the kids bedtimes and 2 hours past our regular time.  So, now I sit here while the 3 older kiddies are tucked in bed and Miss Lauren is pulling all of the clothes I just folded out of the basket. You know what, I don't care, at least she isn't screaming and crying which she has been doing lately if she isn't attached to me like a baby monkey.

Tomorrow is my baby boy's 4th Birthday! It is amazing how time flies. He even says that I have 2 babies, him and Lauren.

9/14/2010

Good Enough

That would be my counselor's favorite term. She has asked, "When is it going to be good enough for you?" That is a damn fine question. As I prepare to host Bunco at my house this evening, I am trying to make the house good enough. Meaning that they are not going to know that my front closet is bursting at the seam and the only thing stopping the mountain of  shit coats from falling out is the hook and eye latch on the outside of it. However, I start to feel panicky and think I need to rip everything out of there and organize. I know though if I do that, it will make an even bigger mess and I will just feel even more overwhelmed. So, I am desperately trying to have things good enough including myself. I recently had my oldest brother  and his family over for dinner which was the first time in about, oh four years at the least.  We had a great time and I plan on getting to together with my family more often.  My house was far from perfect or even spotless, but it was good enough for me. You know what, they didn't care about some clutter or a few toys laying around.  Allison even got to have a friend over to play because the house was good enough, that was the first time for her. Which is sad considering she is 8. Thankfully she has great friends with wonderful parents who understand that I have a hard time having kids over here.

I guess my issues stem from childhood, after all, don't they all? I was the only girl in our family and my father was old fashioned. Meaning, that I needed to learn to cook and clean, while my brothers still had chores, a lot of it was put on me. However if you ask them I was a spoiled brat. LOL My father use to tell me that he could never invite his friends over because our house was not clean enough and that of course was my fault. My mom had to work so I had to do a lot of  the cooking, cleaning, and laundry. By the time I was a freshman in high school I could make a mean pot roast. I know that the way I was raised has made me into the woman I am today, both good and bad. I just wish that I can accept things to be good enough, both myself and my home.

9/07/2010

Ahh Life.

It definitely has its ups and downs.  However living with a child who has ADHD & ODD it tends to have more downs than ups.  With these children, they are not "bad" kids and they do not have bad or lazy parents. It is not a discipline problem. We can not give them an attitude "adjustment" aka spanking and fix them. It is an imbalance of sorts, something they can not help. Knowing that does not make one's life any easier. Our mornings start off decent enough, but then he starts. Nicholas's favorite thing to do is to terrorize his siblings to the point that they run screaming because they are scared he will hurt them. Now, we have a very simple morning routine. They kids eat breakfast, brush their teeth, get dressed (clothes are picked out the night before) and if there is time after everyone is ready they get to watch some morning cartoons before heading off to school. Simple right? Nope.  Nick is up at least 15-20 minutes before everyone else and he is still the last one to get ready. He prefers instead to fight and aggravate everyone in the house. I would just love to have a morning where I do not have to threaten him with grounding after school.  That doesn't even seem to work anymore. His favorite phrase, well besides I HATE YOU!! is Who cares? UGH! Believe me, I feel that way more times than not.  I sometimes feel so hopeless. What did I do to deserve such a child?   My older brother was hyperactive as a child and it is times like this that I wish I had my mom to talk to about how she handled him.  Maybe he is this way because of me. Perhaps I drank too much coffee during pregnancy, or maybe it was because he was not breastfed.  Nick and Allison are only 18 months apart, maybe my body didn't have enough time to recooperate before I became pregnant again. I guess I could live my life with the whys, the problem is trying to figure out where to go from here. Life is a constantly never ending high stress, and I wonder why I suffer from migraines.  I have read books and researched in internet. I just need to know, will it ever get better or will it get worse as he becomes older and stronger. Will he start to become physical with me? What do you do then?  Yesterday he threw a toy at the couch, well I happened to be sitting in front of the couch on the floor so it hit me right on the top of the head instead. Even though I knew it was an accident. it didn't feel like it.  He apologized, but I think secretly he was aiming at me, otherwise why throw it in the first place? Well, I guess I will go back to my laundry and Lauren has a dirty diaper. Until next time...

8/24/2010

Do you know what tomorrow is?

The first day of school!!!!! Yeah, yippee (doing the happy dance). Granted, they will only be gone for three hours the first day, but still it will be so nice! In honor of tomorrow, I will post a poem my very clever friend posted this morning on a popular networking site.

Twas the night before school started, when all through the town, the parents were cheering, it was a riotous sound. By 8, kids were washed, & tucked into bed, when memories of homework filled them with dread. New pencils, new folders, new notebooks, too, new teachers, new friends-their anxiety grew.
The parents just giggled when they... learned of this fright..and shouted,"Upstairs! GO TO BED! IT'S A SCHOOL NIGHT!"

8/20/2010

The Garfield Club lives on!

Well, sort of. LOL When we were younger, myself and two other friends decided to have our own club and since we all loved that sarcastic cat Garfield, he was our namesake. :) The three of us got together last night for food and 1/2 price margaritas and we had a blast. It is amazing that even though we might not see each other for a few weeks or even months, we can start talking like we never were apart.  I guess that is how it is like that with friends that have known each other for ahem 20 or so years. After the food was eaten and drinks consumed (don't worry we each only had one since we were all driving.) we sat and talked about anything and everything. The funny thing was our again mutual enjoyment of a cartoon. No, it wasn't Garfield anymore, but Phineas and Ferb.  They are a cartoon on the Disney Channel. I love those two little guys and my daughter has been nicknamed Candace after the boys' older sister who is constantly trying to get them in trouble. So perhaps, we will rename our club the Phineas and Ferb Girls.

Here is Garfield that sarcastic, lasagna eating kitty with teddy Pookie.

Here is Phineas and Ferb riding the waves with their pet platypus Perry, who also moonlights as a secret agaent. 

8/09/2010

Who wants to switch heads?

Seriously I am so sick of being in freaking pain all. the. time! Chronic headaches/migraines suck butt! I have tried so many things. My insurance doesn't cover a chiropractor and I can't afford one right now, or I would try that. It is pretty pathetic when I get excited because I can go a whopping 4-6 days without a headache. Okay, pity party done.. *sigh*

8/07/2010

I survived!

Now, you may be thinking what in the heck are you talking about?!  I am talking about our family's two week long car trip/vacation. We drove for  2 days to DisneyWorld, yes I did say drove with four kids 8 & under. All I have to say is I bless the person who invented drop down dvd players and wireless headphones. LOL My parents in law (is that even a term?) went as did a brother and sister in law.  We stayed in the Mouse's territory for 7 days, but one day we left the entire area (I know I just heard you gasp) to go to an outlet mall. My husband just felt the need to get out of the Mouse's clutches. LOL However, guess what store we went to? A Disney one, we found a store that the park  sends all of their closeout items to for a super discounted rates. We were able to pick up a few cheap souvenirs. We stayed at the Wilderness Lodge and it was so nice! After visiting with the Mouse, we headed about and hour and a half away to visit my brother and his family for three days. We had a great visit and I wish we lived closer. After our visit with them, it was on our way home, but first we stopped in Gatlinburg, Tennessee, in the heart of the Smoky Mountains. It was an absolutely beautiful area. We didn't do a lot of walking because, by then we were all worn out and hiking up a mountain with four worn out kids in 90* weather is not my idea of a good time. We planning on going back when the kids are older. Three days later we were finally on our way home. We had a wonderful trip, but like Dorothy put it so eloquently, There is no place like home! Yes, I missed my bed, shower, tv, couch, but what I missed most was my animals. I know what a dork, but any animal lovers out there will understand. So we are now back to normal life, well as normal as life can be. Hopefully I can get on here more often, that is in between life.

Cinderella's Castle at night.


Sunset on the Gulf. 



Smoky Mountains

6/28/2010

Can I vent for a minute here?

I am so sick and tired of bitchy, rude receptionists and secretaries! As a former office manager, I know how much work and pressure they have, however, that does not give you a right to be a bitch. For example, the secretaries at my son's school are so nasty that I have more than once thought about talking to the principal about them. Not only are they rude and give you a complete attitude, they are not friendly at all towards the kids. Now, I'm thinking that if you apply for a job in a school, that you should at least like kids. Gosh! My other gripe is this nasty witch I just encountered when I called the foot doctor for a follow up appointment. (I have a wart colony living on my big toe.) The woman on the other line was just as bitchy and unfriendly this time as she was when I first went into the doctor. When she answered I explain that I would like to make a follow up appointment, to which she rudely barked hold on with a big sigh and slammed the phone down. (I think my ear drum is still throbbing from that.) She then came on, holy cow was she nasty. She informed me in a very unpleasant manner, before even acknowledging who I was that they no longer take public aid and since it has been three years since they last saw me that they weren't going to have me as a patient. When she finished her bitchy tirade, I informed her I was just there a few months ago and that she must have the wrong person. Did she apologize for her bitchiness? Of course not, she just rudely told me that I can come in two weeks in the morning and didn't even let me get an opinion on the matter. Let's she if she is just as nasty in person as she is on the phone.

6/26/2010

Blog under construction.

Please bare with me as I change things around. I was getting bored with the old layout. I have also had a bit of a writer's block, so perhaps a change will unblock it for me.  Life has been, well hectic, but what can you expect with four kids under 8, a dog and two cats. Yes, I said two cats. We had a new addition to our family. Her name is Bella (Yes I am one of those Twilight moms. LOL) She's pretty darn cute if I say so myself and she has blended beautifully with the other animals in our house. (The kids included.) She even indulges the dog and plays with her from time to time.

 Mother's day has come and gone and so has Father's Day for that matter.  I got the standard school gifts from the kids and a radio from my other half. Notice I didn't say better half. ;~)  Summer is upon us! The kids have been out of school for 3 weeks now and it seems as if we are forever going. The kids just wrapped up soccer and softball. I was very proud that my daughter made the All Stars game in softball and this was her first year of playing! She will definitely be joining softball again next year. My older son loved soccer and will be joining next year again too. Things have been good with him. We are still trying to find the right dose and combinations of medications. The progress that he made in school in just the 3 1/2months that he had been on it was truly amazing. He went from being below average, not even on the charts in the beginning of January to being just under above average at the end of May! If I had any doubts of medicating him, they have long gone. Of course the medicine is not a cure all. We are still having behavior problems, but nothing like it was.

We will be taking a long vacation this year. Let's just say I can use all the prayers you have. LOL Being in a car with 4 kids for over 24 hours is what I will be faced with soon enough. I have to admit, I am not really looking forward to the trip. Long car rides always raise my anxiety level. I will just make sure I bring some good books to keep me occupied. We have a plan of action for the kids. We have a pull down dvd player and two portable dvd players for the kids, just in case they don't want to watch the same things. We have also purchased new movies, little toys and hid them for the trip. They all have a small basket of toys that they will brings along with coloring supplies and MP3 players. Oh, did I mention my in-laws will be traveling with us, but in their van so we can always toss a couple of kids in with them. The biggest one I am worried about it the baby. Since she started walking, she does not like to be held down for too long, I can't really blame her. I still have her rear facing since studies have found that it is safer and also because she is a peanut. She is just on the 25th percentile for her size. I recall a similar trip when my oldest was about the same age and she cried, no I mean screamed for the last 2 1/2 hours of the trip! Oh, that reminds me, I need to get some ear plugs. *giggle*

5/04/2010

I've been thinking lately about friendships

and how what you want out of a friendship changes over the years. I remember being my daughter's age (8) and wanting a best friend. I see when she gets hurt by someone who she considers a friend and it takes a lot not to go tell off the little one who hurt her feelings. I encourage to tell her friend that her feelings were hurt by whatever little drama and that she has to stand up for herself. I also refuse to get into the middle of her fights with friends unless it is something serious because chances are by the next week they will be best friends again. I am friends with a couple of her friends' moms and I don't want our kids tiffs get in the way of our friendship. That was something my mom always told me and she was one smart woman.  As a teenager I had a close group of friends in high school and only talk to one or two regularly now.  It is amazing that the people who you thought you would always talk to you rarely see or talk to anymore the ones who thought you had not much in common with turns out to be someone who you talk to more than ever. As an adult I have quite a few friends and a few acquaintances. My friends are great, it doesn't matter if I've known them since childhood, recently met, or even if they live in my computer, they have all been there for me this past year. Whether it was a card, a call, or an email they were there. Even if we don't talk everyday, I know I can turn to them for their support if needed and I guess as an adult that is all I want out of friendship. I have someone who I thought was a friend, but as the years go by I realize that we are not friends. I am merely someone that she calls when she needs something or if her other great friends are too busy with their own lives. That just sucks. I really like this person, but I hate feeling like I'm being used and that I'm at the bottom of the barrel. So why can't I take the advice I give my daughter and tell this person how they treat me sucks and to never call me again? Part is probably because there is always a glimmer of hope that this person will one day call me just to see how I am instead asking for a favor to do for her.  So I just want to say thank you to my real friends.  Thank you for mourning the loss of my mom with me and celebrating the joy of my baby girl. Although I may not say it, you rock and I wouldn't exchange you for anything. Well, maybe a big hunk of chocolate.....

3/12/2010

Sisters together again.








Today I lost another part of my family. My Aunt Gert shown on the right in both photos, passed away at 2am. She was my mom's last surviving sibling. Not only was she my Aunt, she was also my Godmother, a job she took seriously. When my mother passed, it really broke her heart and probably more than anyone will ever know.

2/25/2010

I'm a freak of nature

or at least that is what I felt like last night. I went to a mom's night out spa night with a group I joined a while back, but never had the chance to go to any of the meet ups. Life just gets in the way like that. So I had my massage and went out to wait for my eyebrows to be done. The massage was nice, but too short at just 1/2 hour. I had a hard time relaxing because I just kept thinking about how gross my body is. *sigh*  I finally met some of the moms in the group. They were made up of mostly beautiful, skinny put together moms. You know the type, the ones who have full hair and make-up done even though it is 7am and they are just going to go home to scrub the bathroom.  Man, did I feel frumpy! There was one mom I was able to  sort of connect too. Why you ask? Well because she was wearing a faded sweatshirt and jogging pants. She also had that I'm exhausted look on her face. Yippee! So I inched my way over and began to talk. I was very nervous, I always am when it comes to meeting new people. So I found out she had a four year old boy and just adopted a baby girl in the beginning of this month. Now comes that loaded question, "How many kids do you have?" Geez, I knew it was coming, there was no avoiding it. So,  of course I said four (one of these days I'm going to say ten.) and then the reactions started "Oh My God!" "I thought we were crazy with 3!" "You must be so busy." Then they asked what the ages were and I was greeted by more astonishment. Crap, you would have thought I just told these women I turned in to a werewolf at the full moon. Of course, I just smiled and explained we were done with 3, but then came a little surprise (and in my opinion the best kind of surprise). Why do I feel the need to justify the amount of children I have? It really is nobody's business but mine. Then mom in the sweatpants asked what my husband did when I replied teacher, she said "Wow, then you guys must really scraping by!" Seriously, what the Hell? Her reaction just kind of stunned me. I replied "Yep because after all no one with real important jobs get the money they deserve." I did not ask what her husband did. I just wanted to leave, but had to wait for my brow wax. It was uncomfortable, all these women obviously knew each other and I was just an outsider. Oh sure, they tried to include me in their conversations but it was forced.  Finally, came my turn to get waxed. The waxer,  is that the correct term? Was going on and on about how the eyebrows define the face and that I should get mine done frequently. Honestly, I get mine done about once a year. I could care less what they look like. Heck, I don't even wear make up. Yes, I know it is a shocker!    She asked when the last time I had a facial was and I told her never. I explained I had kids and didn't treat myself to things like that. She also tried to talk me into tattooing eyebrows on. Seriously, what the hell was this? So, she took hot wax, put it on my face and ripped it off quickly with some sort of paper and I paid her to do this! Why do women do these things? After that I got to leave. On the way home I was thinking of what had transpired and was mad at myself for feeling the need to justify how many kids I have. Then I could hear my mom telling me to never feel bad for having a baby because they are miracles and have a purpose.  So from now on, when asked how many kids I have, I will reply 4 beautiful ones and not justify it by saying Lauren was a surprise.

2/22/2010

She's crawling!

Yes, I am actually excited that my baby is mobile. To be honest I was getting a little worried, although I played it off by saying that we don't encourage independent movement. LOL She has been able to get around by scooting on her butt, so she wasn't completely immobile. She'll be 11 months in just under two weeks.  Man has the time flown by! I remember that high school seemed to drag on, but ever since life seems as if it is on fast forward. I'm sure that has something to do with the fact that I am slightly busy.

I am amazed that I have been able to survive this past year.  It just goes to show that Lauren definitely had a reason to be here. I don't think I would have been able to handle my mom's passing without her (of course the rest of my family too.) .

Unfortunately my children recently had to deal with another death. Our cat Cassie passed away four weeks ago. She was a beautiful cat, yet a very mean one.  I was there for her when she passed and I petted her and told her I loved her. I must admit that it took them three weeks to realize she was gone. I took her to the vet one day and came home without her. I'm not sure what to think of that. My oldest was upset because she received Cassie as a Christmas gift one year, but to be honest, the cat only really liked me.

My oldest son has been finally been diagnosed with ADHD. Talk about a sigh of relief to finally have answers. The new doctor we are going to is great. We decided to medicate him for now. It is affecting his performance in school so we felt it was the right decision. After all who am I to say no medication when I myself has to take a pill everyday for depression and anxiety?  I have looked into changing his diet, but unfortunately he is a very very picky eater and more than likely I would end up taking what little foods that he does eat away. His medication does not make him into a zombie. He is just a more low key version of himself. The medication is definitely not a cure all. He still has issues, but we are trying to work through them.  I keep trying to remind myself of one of my mom's favorite sayings, "God only give you what you can handle." Some days though, I think he has a lot more confidence in me than I do. LOL