Hey there! Did you miss me?

Or should I ask if you even knew I was gone? Things have been well, hectic, although that doesn't really encompass all that has been going on in my life. My mom, my best friend, the person who I speak to on a daily basis has been very ill. She was rushed to the hospital on February 20th and has been there ever since. She has been diagnosed with Stage 4 lung cancer and the prognosis is not good. She already had COPD and Emphysema so her lungs were shot to begin with. I have been coping as well as I can. I feel like I am on the never ending roller coaster. Just when things start to look hopeful, she has a set back. She has had to be intubated twice and the doctors are now considering a tracheotomy.  I used to pray to God to save her because I want her around forever. Now though, I just pray to God that he makes the right decision for HER. I don't want to lose her, but I don't want her to be miserable either. She is a tough fighter and not giving up. She obviously has more things to do in this life because she has been on his doorstep a few times and he has sent her back home. She is looking forward to having a new grand baby to cuddle and love. I have a feeling I will be bringing this little one to the hospital to meet his/her grandmother, but at least they will meet.

I have about 4 weeks or less to go and I myself can not believe how fast time has flown by. I guess a lot of that has to do with the fact that my mom has been in and out of the hospital since September so I haven't really had a ton of time to think about it. I was just thinking the other day that I started my pregnancy years with a parent with cancer (my father was diagnosed with esophageal cancer when I was pregnant with my first) and now I will end my pregnancy years with a parent with cancer. They say God doesn't give you what you can't handle. Well, apparently he has a lot more confidence in me than I do. Besides the stress with my mom, my son has behavior issues and we are dealing with that. We also are no way close to being ready for this baby. Thanks to some wonderful friends, we have some already prepared meals. I did one load of baby clothes and have packed my hospital bag. Outside of that, things are at a stand still. I am just worn out physically and mentally and just don't have it in me to do much more than what is necessary. 

I saw my doctor this week and she put me on Zoloft for depression. She gave me a screening for depression and I apparently scored a little high. In the past I have been against meds for depression, bu t I realize that this time around  I need a little bit more help. To date I have gained ten pounds. We'll see how much more I gain by the end. I see the doctor again next week and every week until I deliver. I hope my little bundle of joy will show her/his mommy some mercy and come just a little bit early. I am already waddling and forget getting out of bed in the morning, that is a feat in itself. LOL I'll include the latest belly picture and some baby info. 

 Man do I look huge! It isn't me, it is the computer camera and my husband's sweatshirt making me look like that. 

Your baby is still packing on the pounds — at the rate of about an ounce a day. She now weighs almost 6 pounds and is more than 18 1/2 inches long. She's shedding most of the downy covering of hair that covered her body as well as the vernix caseosa, the waxy substance that covered and protected her skin during her nine-month amniotic bath. Your baby swallows both of these substances, along with other secretions, resulting in a blackish mixture, called meconium, will form the contents of her first bowel movement. At the end of this week, your baby will be considered full-term. (Full-term is 37 to 42 weeks; babies born before 37 weeks are pre-term and those born after 42 are post-term.) Most likely she's in a head-down position. But if she isn't, your practitioner may suggest scheduling an "external cephalic version," which is a fancy way of saying she'll try to coax your baby into a head-down position by manipulating her from the outside of your belly.

Still in shock....

I'm really annoyed right now because I just had this whole freaking thing typed out and it took too long to load, so it erased everything and NOTHING got saved. UGH!

So, on to my story, again. I told my husband yesterday through many tears and apologies. He said not to be upset and there was nothing to be sorry for. I don't know why I doubted his reaction to the news. He has never made me think that he would react negatively about the news of a baby. I think he is in shock because neither one has spoken about it since.

I don't know when we'll tell our families, would right before the birth be too long? sigh

I spent most of yesterday trying to find an OB. What a frustrating ordeal that was! I am grateful that we have insurance, but I wish the doctors weren't such crappy pickings. Most of the places were in horrible neighborhoods, weren't taking new patients or couldn't get me in until October. I finally found someone in a decent neighborhood, but can't get in until Septemebr 11th. I wish I could go back to my old OB, she is awesome. Unfortunately she doesn't take the insurance we have. We could get insurance through my husband's work that she takes, but it would be like paying a second mortgage every month and we just can't swing that. So, I guess I will just put on my big girl panties or in this case maternity undies (lmao) and suck it up because in the end all that matters in that me and this baby stay healthy.