12/18/2010

It only took 2 years

but I finally passed the 100 post mark! What a two years it has been.  I have gone through some big upheavals in life, yet I am still standing, although not that straight. LOL My mom has been on my mind a lot the past week, Christmas was her favorite time of year.  I remember as a child coming downstairs and there wasn't even floor space because of the piles of gifts.  Our house was always decorated top to bottom and the decorations stayed up until well after the New Year.  She loved watching us Christmas morning opening that perfect gift,  I think she got more out of that than anything else. I know now as a mom how she felt. I love watching the surprise and excitement on my kids' faces as they open their gifts.  You can see just one example of the gift mountain in the picture. Yes on the TV is playing the Yule Log program. My dad loved it and he now has a DVD of that Yule Log. This year Christmas will be different, we will get together at my oldest brother's home to celebrate.  I know change is hard, but I think this is a good thing. Being out of our family home for this holiday I believe will make it easier, at least for me. Last year I had a hard time trying to keep a smile on my face and keep it together, being in the house without her just intensifies the feeling of sadness and grief. My mom will be there celebrating with us whether we are in her house or not. After all, she would never miss a Christmas celebration with us.





 I don't need a Angel on my Christmas tree....I already have one in Heaven looking down on me.

12/15/2010

Changing my way of thinking

or at least trying my hardest. As the saying goes, you are your toughest critic and believe me, no one is harder on me than myself. I am trying to change this and man is it hard! You would think it was simple, but it isn't especially if you have been telling yourself for 20 or so years that you aren't good enough. The list goes on. I never felt I was pretty enough, skinny enough, smart enough and was always striving for more only to end up back at the place I was feeling even more dejected. Instead of saying "Look at me World, this is who I am and I am pretty awesome" I hide in the shadows almost too afraid to even talk to new people. Thanks to the help of some new friends and my therapist I am trying to see myself as they see me. Apparently what I do in my daily life is pretty great according to some, but I just see it as what I need to do. Yes I am forever running here and there, but there aren't many who don't. Yes, I educate myself the best possible way and seek to get all the help for Nick with his ADHD and Lauren with her speech delay. But I don't find any of those extraordinary, as a parent we are the only ones who can fight for our children's rights and you can bet your ass I will be there front and center. I have lost my mom, my best friend and somehow did not allow the grief to crush me. I have children after all that depend on me even when I don't think I am good enough for them. I love my children to death, but some days I am so frazzled I think what the heck is going here? When did I grow up and become a mom to 4!! Those days are always the worse. I get so down on myself for not doing enough with the kids, not playing enough with them and worrying are they growing up right? Are they going to be the kind of adult that I envision or will they become couch potatoes destined to live with me forever? (Please no!) When I am my wits end with them and want to run away I think of a friend. She has a beautiful son and a great husband. Although she wanted more children, at this point they have not been blessed yet with another biological child of their own. Does she wallow day in and day out with self pity? Nope, she pulls up her big girl panties and throws herself into her son's life. If that wasn't enough, this selfless couple are now foster parents and taking in children to love and care for because their parents can't at the moment.  Going from one child to multiple children virtually overnight would possibly make me a little loony, but she just seems to put on a smile and continues ahead. You know what? I look up to her and when I grow up I want to be like her. Perhaps my lack of faith is the problem. faith in myself and in God. After all we are all just part of a bigger picture right? I always believed that everything happens for a reason. So instead of saying why me while Nick is in a full out tantrum, I try to think why not  me? Perhaps I was specially picked to be his mom.  No one promised that this road called life would be a smooth straight line. What is the fun in that? The pot holes in that road makes it that much more interesting. Please forgive me if I am babbling, it is 3am and I have not had any sleep tonight.

Now what you have been waiting for, Elvis. he decided to hang out on the computer the other day.

12/11/2010

Elvis is getting creative.

I know,  I have missed a couple of days but it has been one of those weeks.



He really enjoys the decorations.


Hanging out by the canisters.




This morning he decided to hang on the kitchen fan. 

12/08/2010

He's hanging out in the kitchen today

Elvis decided that he wanted to sit in the phone holder we have in the kitchen. Unfortunately the magic of Elvis has not helped my kids with their behavior. I think he may be bringing a note from Santa tomorrow morning.


Nick goes to see his doctor tomorrow and I think he will be upping his medicine dose. After speaking with his teachers and observing him at home, I have come to the conclusion that his medicine is no longer lasting the 10 hours that it used to. I hope that this will be the trick to his behavior after school if nothing else.



I had to get an MRI yesterday of my brain. I had one back in June and they found I had a lesion, but the doctor was not concerned. He wanted a repeat this month to see if it has grown or if there were more. Of course the radiologist couldn't tell me anything which is so frustrating. So now I have to wait and twiddle my thumbs to find out the results. The MRI place did give me a disk with a copy of the scans and I being the curious sort had to check them out. Of course I have no clue what I am looking for, but I found it neat to be looking at my brain. I discovered one picture that was a view from the back of my head. It shows a sad face. LOL While is it creepy, it is also pretty neat.  Maybe this is the cause of my depression, my brain is sad. I wonder how one goes about making the brain happy again?

12/07/2010

He really seems to like the decorations

Elvis showed up this morning on another decoration. this time he was a little bit daring and chose one hanging off of the curtain rod. I sure hope he has a good grip!

















Don't worry, I am still doing the together forever Tuesdays. Today's card is Show up! I think this is a really good one.



12/06/2010

Poor kid

I may have scarred Alexander for life. He had a hard time going to sleep and staying asleep last night and I think it was because Elvis was in his room watching him.  This morning though, Elvis relocated to downstairs on a Christmas decoration. Hopefully he gave Santa a good report for yesterday. Nick's mood was not the greatest this morning, but maybe he will be better when he gets home. Ha! Who am I kidding? Anyway, here is Mr. Elvis trying to blend into the scenery.

12/05/2010

Elvis the Elf

The Elf on the Shelf has arrived in our house! He magically appeared upstairs in the boys' room while all of us were downstairs. The kids were pleasantly surprised and a little freaked out. They kept asking if I bought him I told them no that I had just noticed him as I walking past the boys room. We decided that Santa must have sent Elvis special delivery this morning. The kids decided on Elvis by themselves. My mom loved Elvis. So I am going to keep you up to date on Elvis whereabouts. I think his report tonight to the big guy will be pretty good. The kids were rather well behaved, with the exception of Nick stalling by every means possible to not go to bed.


Poor little guy must have had a rough flight from the North Pole. He needed to lean up against a bear for support. 

12/04/2010

Let the snow battles begin!

Yes, you read that right. Here in the wonderful Midwest, the first snow fall of December has fallen and it is wet and heavy. The perfect type to make snow forts, snowballs and snowmen. The kids are itching to go out and play and I have to admit I am too. LOL The battle I am speaking of does not mean snow ball fights, nope it is the fight over the shoveling of the common sidewalk. You see, I am in a condo but we are set up more like townhouses where we each have our own separate doors. If I shovel, I shovel all of the common sidewalk and I even go past my house and right up to the neighbor's door, since that is the neighborly thing to do. Right? Well, apparently my neighbor doesn't share my views on this subject. You see every year they shovel from their door, on the common sidewalk up until my stoop.  So, they walk on a nice shoveled path until they get to my stoop, then they have to walk through snow. Makes a whole lot of sense. Yes we have snow removal people but they usually don't get here until the snow is super high or almost melted. Yeah, don't get me started on that.  So I went out this morning and low and behold, they have shoveled up to my stoop. Fine, you want to play it like that, bring it on.  I proceeded to shovel off my stoop, my other neighbor's stoop( a nice one), the common sidewalk from my stoop, past the nice neighbor and into the parking lot. I then shoveled a path tho my car and the nice neighbor's car. I would have been nice and shoveled to their car, but now they can bite me.   I took some pictures so you can see how it is
  
 



12/02/2010

I am running away and you can't stop me.

The chaos and fighting at my house between the children has reached epic proportions. It has been a long time since I dreaded the time they got out of school everyday.  I dread mornings and  basically anytime #1 & 2 are home. Sad I know, but that is my reality. This morning for example I am awoken by my kids fighting with each other and then arguing with me because they aren't allowed candy from today's Advent calender. Yes folks, I am a horrible mommy for not letting them have one piece of candy at 6:30am before they have even had breakfast. Someone call the cops.  So I explain that the candy can be eaten after school. Guess what #2 did? Pulled the piece out, started putting it toward his mouth all the while repeating that he is going to eat it because it is already out. He finally puts it back after much yelling on my part and arguing on his. I finally told him the whole thing would be garbage if he ate the candy.  I seriously would have tossed them. What the heck, I hadn't even had coffee! That right there is a crime, maybe I should have called the cops. Hmm, being locked in a cell by myself for a while doesn't seem too bad right now.   They don't even care that Christmas is just weeks away, because as #2 put it this morning, "Go ahead and call Santa, he sees what we are doing all the time anyway and will still bring us something!"
You know what, the little monkey is right. I can't not give my children something for Christmas as much as I would like to. *sigh*   A certain Elf should be arriving in a few days and I hear he reports back to Santa on behavior every night. Perhaps, he will bring a letter back to the kids from the big man. 

So, if any of you parents out there have any advice for me, that is besides running away or ducting taping them all to the wall, I would love to hear it.