It is still feels like it was yesterday

when in fact it was six years ago. I remember going to my parents home that morning to sit with my mom. As soon as I walk into the house I knew something had changed. It was as if the energy had disappeared. I went about the day talking to my dad and brothers. I sat with her and talked to her, I rubbed lotion on her feet, I watched a movie with her and I even updated my friends on what was going on.  My mom's best friend from childhood and her daughter and daughter in law came to visit. I remember standing next to my mom commenting that I wasn't even thirty, this shouldn't be happening. I also remember making the comment to her that my Mom was no longer there, she had already moved on and it was just her body waiting to catch up. This made her mad and I remember her telling me that I shouldn't say that because my mom could hear me. I remember her standing next to my mom rubbing her hair trying to get her to open her eyes. Eyes that had been shut for over 24 hours at that point.  I also remember the baby inside me rolling around and kicking assuring me that I had to stay strong. I remember forcing myself to eat even though that was the last thing I wanted to do. I remember my brother coming with his family and me telling them she hadn't open her eyes and would never again. I remember the conversation I had with my other brother about how we knew it was her time and he was wondering why she was waiting. Just like that, I knew. I told him she was waiting for me to go home. My mom would not want me there when her body finally got the hint that it was time to stop fighting. My mom who was more than a mother, but my best friend still was looking out for me and protecting me as she had for so many years. My mom would not want me there when it happened and she would not have wanted me to drive the 20 minute drive home by myself after she passed. So after a bit, I kissed my mom, told her I loved her and whispered in her ear that it was ok to go. I assured her I would be ok and I asked her to look over my baby. I hugged my dad and brothers and drove home. Shortly after arriving home, I got into bed and started to fall asleep when she came to me. I remember telling her that I couldn't have the baby until I knew she was ok. She told me she loved me and I woke up to a phone call. Shortly after midnight on the 26th, my brother went to check on her and discovered she had passed. Being the type of mom she was she wanted to make sure no one was there to have to witness that. She waited until they had stepped out of the house for some air before she took her final breath. I told him I already knew because she had come to me. I remember being numb after that phone call and just sitting on the couch in the dark. I knew I had to let my babies know that their Grandma Ida was gone. That was the hardest thing I had ever had to do. I struggled with guilt for a long time because I wasn't there when it happened. Hell, every so often it still creeps up on me. However, I know my mom wouldn't have wanted us to be the last memory of her. She protected us until she drew her last breath.