5/22/2009

I knew it was too good to be true.

I was hoping Lauren would be safe from getting sick. I must have thought that my milk have superhuman qualities that would cast invisible shield around her and the germs. It didn't matter how much I disinfected or kept the kids away from her, she still got sick. She has a cold, but thankfully it is not in her chest. She has been sleeping decent, but I'm not. Insomnia seems to strike me at the oddest times. Why is it when she is sleeping soundly I can't sleep yet when she is awake I am dozing? The other night I must have been extremely exhausted because I woke up at 6 am with her in my bed and my breast out. *giggle* I don't even know when I got her out of her cradle. I hope the poor thing at least got to nurse before she fell back asleep. I of course had to change the sheets because I leaked all over the bed, her and myself. Eww, gross, I know. On a happier note, she has been awarding my with some great smiles. She gave me her first real smile at about 2am on Mother's Day. What a wonderful gift to get! 

My son's behavior is getting increasingly worse and I am getting more depressed because of it. We are virtual hostages in out home because of him. I pray to God that we get some real answer come June 8th to help our family that seems to be slowly falling apart. It is amazing the power a five year old has over our lives. Oh and for those of you who may think that it is just a behavioral issue, it isn't, there has got to be more going on. His older sister is not like that so it has to be him and not just that we as parents suck monkey balls. 

I'm really missing my mom today. I want to call and talk to her so bad it physically hurts. This quote is so true ~ "It's so curious:  one can resist tears and 'behave' very well in the hardest hours of grief.  But then someone makes you a friendly sign behind a window, or one notices that a flower that was in bud only yesterday has suddenly blossomed, or a letter slips from a drawer... and everything collapses."  ~Colette

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