Wow

Has it really been two months since I posted? I can't tell you how many times I sat down to post something, but didn't. Nothing seemed exactly post worthy. Life is hectic and I would be lying if I say some days I feel like I am barely holding my head above water. Sometimes I wish someone would call and offer to take the kids (Hell I would settle for one) for a few hours so I can get stuff done, but that won't happen. My kids have been out of school for over a month now and only my oldest has had one friend call to invite her to play.  I have explained to my kids' friends' parents that I generally don't invite kids over to play. Our house is bursting at the seams with just our four that adding one or two more might result in mass chaos. I never can predict what Nick's behavior is going to like and it is just easier to not even bother to try. I feel like I am doing my kids a huge disservice, but what is the other option? Invite kids over and take the chance that Nick is going to have one of his blow ups? I would rather not even take the chance. Nick really has no friends and boy do I hear about it when on the rare occasion Allison goes to her friends house. I don't call parents and invite my kids to their house. They way I look at it, if they don't call they don't want other kids over. It doesn't help that our place is sort of secluded and we have no kids around us. I am just extremely grateful the four kids have each other. They may drive each other nuts often but they enjoy playing with each other. Ugh, see why I said there was no point in me posting anything. :>/

Sometimes a kid can sum up your feelings exactly...

That is what happened to me today. Since tomorrow is Mother's Day, I made my Mom a box with silk flowers for her grave. I always gave my Mom flowers or plants for Mother's Day and the tradition did not end when she died. I took the kids to visit my Dad and then we headed to the cemetery. We cleaned off her stone and put down the flowers. The five of us stood there quiet for a moment then Nick broke down because he misses her so much, which in turn had Allison crying. I was doing a decent job keeping my feelings in check until Alexander in his wise beyond his years voice said just plainly, "I just wish I had more time with her." Oh boy, did those floodgates I had shut, open wide! He summed up all of what we were feeling in just one simple sentence. Tomorrow will not be any easier because three years have passed, in fact I still can't fathom that it has been three years. The pain has gotten better with time, but part of my heart is still gone. The picture below was taken about a year before she died. We took her to the zoo with us and we all had a wonderful time. The kids thought it was fabulous that she let them take turns riding on her lap in the wheelchair and to this day still talk about how fun that was. So Happy Mother's Day to the greatest Mom I could have asked for.

A mother is the truest friend we have, when trials heavy and sudden, fall upon us; when adversity takes the place of prosperity; when friends who rejoice with us in our sunshine desert us; when trouble thickens around us, still will she cling to us, and endeavor by her kind precepts and counsels to dissipate the clouds of darkness, and cause peace to return to our hearts.  ~Washington Irving

My baby started school!

That's right! Lauren started school just four short days after she turned 3. We had evaluations for her through our school district since she was aging out of Early Intervention. She had been receiving Speech Therapy and Physical Therapy in our home so they were evaluating her on those things plus I asked that an Occupational Therapy evaluation be added. We had the evaluations and her IEP (Individualized Educational Plan) two days before she turned 3. Much to my surprise she qualified for Speech Therapy, Physical Therapy, Occupational Therapy and Social Work through our school! I went in hoping they would still give her Speech and maybe Physical therapy and got so many more services than I had hoped for. (Her official diagnosis is Developmental Delay.) So instead of me taking her to the school everyday for these services, they accepted her into the Early Childhood program at our school! I was offered bus service, but told them no way. I was having a hard enough time accepting she will be going to school 5 days a week for 2 1/2 hours, I was definitely not putting her on a bus. LOL  The first day was rough she cried, I cried(on the way home), but I got through it. It definitely helped that I have my niece there to keep me busy in the afternoon. The second day was a bit better, but she still shed a few tears. By day four, she was a pro at it. She has been going to school for about 2 1/2 weeks now and she runs to her teachers and gives them a big hug. *sigh* Ok, I am so happy she is thriving at school, but it is hard to see her so excited for someone besides me. She has all the teachers wrapped around her little finger as I had no doubt she would. She is just the sweetest little girl it is impossible not to fall in love with her. I have to giggle every time I see her in her backpack.

She is such a peanut! 

I've been making my own soap!

My not so fancy laundry detergent holder. 

I had been tossing around the idea of making my own laundry detergent for a while now, but just never got around to it. Thankfully a friend made some and posted about it on her blog. After I made sure to wait for her opinion (hehe) I decided to give it a try. She found the recipe on this blog Laundry Soap. I made it about December 27th, it costs less than $20 and I just recently had to make more. It makes a ton and cleans great. I am not sure how many loads, but decided to track it this time. So far I have washed 23 loads since I made the batch last Saturday. I did not include the oxyclean this time because the store was out of it and I wasn't in the mood to go to another store. If they have it next time I go to the store, I will add it in. I keep it stored in a empty 25 lb cat littler. I also bought a mailer square container to keep it in on my shelf. I had great plans on making this container cute, but just haven't gotten around to it. Just a tip it you decide to make it, please do not inhale deeply over the ingredients as you pour them in. The dust it kicks up will burn the crap out of your sinuses. :)




So I was excited about making my own detergent, I decided to make my own liquid hand soap. Thanks to Pinterest I found this blog Hand Soap and off to the store I went. It was pretty simple to make and I loved the smell. Mine does have a sort of snot like consistency, but it works fine. I am going to try a different brand of bar soap next time. I made it February 13th, it filled an 8oz liquid hand soap container, a gallon milk jug and about halfway up a 12oz body wash bottle. I am now about half way through the soap. The cost was about $4-$5.

Grating away

The soap Allison picked  (I used 2 bars.)

Kind of snotty. 

So not only am I trying to save some money, I am also producing a bit less waste because I am recycling containers I already have. How knows what I might make next.... 

Happy Birthday Mom!

It is hard to believe the last time I could say that to you in person was three years ago as I was visiting you in the hospital. Oh how the time flies!  I think I will make a cake today to celebrate  your life and will take the kids out to enjoy the beautiful weather. What I really want to do is lay in bed and wish the world would stop for just a few minutes, because it seems so unfair that the world can continue without your presence.   We know that won't happen, so I will just keep pushing forward as I always do.  So Happy Birthday my beautiful loving Mother. I hope you are rocking out with Elvis today.

Such a character!

"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself 'I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.' You must do the thing you think you cannot do."

I've been tagged!

A fellow blogger and friend  Mama P tagged me, so it is my turn to answer some questions. :)

There are some rules:

1. Post these rules
2. You must post 11 random things about yourself
3. Answer the questions set for you in the post you were tagged in
4. Create 11 new questions for your tagees to answer
5. Tag them on Twitter, Facebook or your blog

My 11 random things.

1. I am so grateful my husband works two jobs so I have the privilege to stay home and care for our kids even though he hates it.

2. I love mint chocolate chip ice cream, but only the green kind.

3. The end of this month my mom will be gone 3 years and I still find myself going to call her to tell her something.

4. I love my kids more than words can describe.

5. I need to buy some new undies and socks. (hey they are supposed to be random things. LOL)

6. I hate grocery shopping with the kids.   

7. I would love to go college, but am realizing that is a dream that will never come true. 

8. I am blessed to have an awesome Mother in law and Father in law.

9. If I had to move to another state, it would be Pennsylvania.

10. I believe in ghosts. 

11. I would love to see my family more often than holidays.  

My 11 Questions:

1. What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?
Hmm, that is a tough one. Maybe wait a little longer between Allison and Nicholas. God that sounds terrible. Let me explain though. It is not because I couldn't handle it or even for Allison's sake. I would wait for Nick. Why? Because I truly believe me having him so close to Allison and the fact that he was three weeks early contributed to his ADHD and other problems. I don't care what anyone says, I carried him, I was the one who lost 18 pounds(never gained an ounce) with his pregnancy because I was so sick.  I will feel responsible for his problems until the day I die because I feel when I should have protected and cared for him the most I failed. 

2. Paper bags, or plastic? 
It depends on the store, but mostly plastic. 

3. When was the last time you tried something new and what was it?
I tried grilled octopus last Friday on date night. :) 

4. What is your favorite scent?

I guess it is a toss up between new baby smell and lilacs. LOL
5. If you had to teach something, what would you teach?

It depends on what you mean to teach. If I was a teacher I would want Kindergarten or 1st grade. If it is just teaching someone something, I want to teach my kids how to cook. 
6. What pair of shoes have you had the longest? 

My pair of clog type black sandals my husband's Aunt bought me about 9 1/2 years ago while we were visiting her in Pennsylvania. 
7. If you could change your name, what would you change it to, if you even would?
I wouldn't change my name. 

8. What are three "NEVERS" in your life? 
I try not to say never, but I try to never tell my kids plans for things until the last minute in case something happens. One pet we will never own is a snake and I will never eat a rabbit 

9. What is one defining moment from childhood? 

Racking my brain here..... Being told by someone important that he feels sorry for my future husband. To this day that phrase still haunts me.
10. Do you have manicured nails? If so, what color?

Hahahahaha, not even close. My toenails are rocking a very chipped red look right now though and my nails don't have anything. 
11. Name one new goal you can set this year to positively impact those around you.

I am going to try and not be so negative about myself. 

Now my questions for you...

1. Favortie body part? 

2. What was the best meal you ever had?

3.  Coffee or tea?

4. Favorite dessert?

5. Biggest regret in life? 

6. What was the last wedding you went to? 

7. What is your favorite book?

8.  When was the last time you got your hair done? What did you do to it?

9. If you own any animal, what would it be? 

10. What movie do you identify most with?

11. What do you like to do for yourself?

I tag

Jen

Nicole

Carole

Amanda

Tracy 

More health issues for me

because a brain that is sinking onto my spinal column is not enough apparently. I have been having chest pain/pressure for a few months, but it would just come and go so I never really thought about it.  A few weeks ago it got really bad and freaked me out enough to go to the ER. After an EKG, blood work and chest X-ray it was determined I had gastritis. ( Taken from WebMd; Gastritis is an inflammation, irritation, or erosion of the lining of the stomach.) I was sent home with instructions to eat a bland diet and take Prilosec. I followed up with my doctor a few days later and he determined I had GERD based on my symptoms. ( From the Mayo clinic Gastroesophageal reflux disease (GERD) is a chronic digestive disease that occurs when stomach acid or, occasionally, bile flows back (refluxes) into your food pipe (esophagus). ) Off to the specialist I go because GERD is a factor for esophageal cancer and my father had both GERD and Esophageal cancer so I am at a higher risk for it. Gotta love genetics! I saw the specialist Monday evening and he insisted I get an endoscopy done the next morning. (That is when they stick a camera down your esophagus to get a look at things.) Apparently the fact that I could feel my food in the esophagus is a bad thing. LOL So I went to have it done,  I remember the nurse pushing the meds to make me sleep then I was being woken up about 25 minutes later.  I got some results yesterday. Apparently I have an esophageal ulcer, stomach ulcer, gastritis, esophagitis(same as the gastritis but in the esophagus) and the flap between my esophagus and stomach is too narrow. I also still have the GERD I need to go back in April for another endoscopy and a possible balloon dilation of the opening. Since he found so many things,  I need a colonoscopy and ultrasounds of my liver, gallbladder, pancreas and lower abdomen. I swear things can never be simple with me. I am on 3 different scripts for the ulcers and such.  Am I freaked that I may develop cancer? Sure, but I am not dwelling on it after all there is nothing I can do to prevent it. I will take my meds and try to keep the acid under control and that will help. I do not smoke or drink so that is also a good thing.

A couple of new quilts.

I was supposed to have these quilts done by Christmas for a friend's daughters, but I just couldn't do it. My friend was understanding and told me not to worry about it. Between sickness and just crazy life I was finally able to get them done a month later. 

Pile of squares for the first quilt

Took me 7 hours JUST to rag this baby and I had 2 to do....

Rear view

squares for 2nd quilt

All done

Back folded over the front

Then I had another quilt to do for the same friend, but this time it was just for her. It came out so cute and all the different fabrics blended nicely. 

All done

Close up

Back folded over

The back. I do not do patterns on the backs because I would drive myself crazy. However this ended up having an H in it. LOL 

Just a fraction of the lint that comes off one of these blankets. 

I have two confessions.

#1 I like the Barbie movies. :~P Yep, it is true. Miss Lauren has been on a "Bahbee" movie kick and I am happy to oblige. I do not think that she will suffer from a bad body image by watching Barbie either. Hell, I have a horrible body image and I hated Barbie growing up. LOL Anyway I would rather watch Barbie on loop for 24 hours than one episode of Spongebob. I can't stand that nasal voiced yellow square!

#2 My house is not spotless. There I said it, I got it out. On any given day, there will be dirty clothes in the hamper, dishes in the sink, and toys scattered all over. The boys room is basically a mine field and chances are no matter how hard you look, you will still step on a blasted Lego. (I still strongly believe the man who invented them had a huge dislike for his Mother. LOL) My floor are not scrubbed as often as I would like and I didn't wash the outside of my windows once last year. So if you come on by unexpected expect to be created my complete chaos. LOL If you give me a warning, I will at least get the pile of folded laundry off the couch so you have somewhere to sit.

I know, I know,

it has been a while. Honestly though, there hasn't been a ton to post about. Ok, that was a bit of a lie, in truth I just have not been up to blogging. Let's see since the last time, Lauren has been potty trained. I am so proud of her, she was day trained in less than a week. I knew she was ready, I just had to wait until the kids were on break and I wasn't driving all over. We are still working on night training, but she wakes up more often than not dry. Woohoo, no more diapers (that is on the weekends) and we are saving money. She was especially excited because Santa brought her Dora underwear in her stocking. *giggle* My baby is now a self proclaimed big girl. It is a bit sad, but not as hard as I thought. I think it helps that I am still caring for my awesome niece M-F. She is a great baby and growing with leaps and bounds. She recently started rolling and rolling and rolling. LOL The kids have been good about keep small toys out of the living room and Alexander especially will make sure there is nothing that will hurt her around.  Lauren also recently started physical therapy every other week in our home. She has low muscle tone and her right foot turns in. So far it is going great, she really likes hr therapist and has a great time.

We discovered Nick is allergic to Amoxicillin. :( It was not a good experience and I was pretty scared. He was on it and a steroid for Bronchiolitis. He went outside to play in the snow at Grandma's and used one of her scarves. Later that evening he had hives on the part of the face where the scarf was. I thought perhaps it was a reaction to the scarf, so I gave him Benadryl and off to bed he went. He woke us up at 5:30 the next morning almost covered in hives with a puffy face. No freaking out for me yet, I figured that his face was puffy because the amount of hives on it, but called the doctor to play it safe. He said give Benadryl and as long as he was not having problems breathing he would be fine, but if it got worse to go to the ER. By 10 am, his hives were worse,his face was still puffy, his hands were swollen and he said he felt funny. So off Nick went to he ER with my husband. Diagnosis, delayed allergic reaction to the Amoxicillin (he had been on it for 5 days at the point) it was delayed because of the steroid he had been on was keeping the reaction at bay. So they gave him more steroids and said Benadryl every 4 hours.  We were supposed to go away overnight to stay at a hotel with a pool, but the doctor said no to swimming. We were going to cancel but Nick insisted we still go. We did and I still feel bad about it. If I would have known how bad the hives would have gotten I would have insisted we stay home. My poor boy was covered. His face was so bad there was barely any spot to see his regular skin. He had them from his ears to his toes. I sat for a good hour massaging his swollen feet and rubbing his ears to get him some sort of relief. He was happy to sleep at a hotel, but the whole time I felt like a horrible parent. I think he would have been a lot more comfortable in his own house. In the end he was happy we went, so I guess I just need to accept that.

Alexander graduated speech therapy last week. I love his therapist and was quite sad to have to leave her. I hope that when Lauren goes in to the school system that we have her. Alex was excited, but also sad to leave and actually cried. ( I have to admit I shed a tear too.) We have been with her since Nick was 3 1/2, so we have been through a lot. She was a great help to me when I had questions about Lauren's development. It is a great thing to find a teacher that will go above and beyond their job.

Allison is quickly entering her Tweens. I can't believe that she will be ten in March! She is such a smart and caring girl. Not that we don't have our fair share of attitude, but we deal with it and move on. While I can't remember that time of my life, I can understand what she is going through. She is trying to figure out where she is in the world. She is not a little girl anymore, yet she is not a young adult. It doesn't help that she is pretty smart. She reads at a 12th grade level! She definitely gets her love of reading from me. I am usually reading 3 books at once.

Elvis went home with Santa and we look forward to what he will do next Christmas season. So here are the last couple of pictures of Elvis in action.

I had been working on a quilt and I guess he wanted to sew too.

Getting all clean to go home.