The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new. ~Rajneesh

8/13/2011

3 years ago yesterday

I started my blog and what a journey it has been! This blog have seen me through a very surprising fourth pregnancy, the loss of my mom and now the genetic disorder that I have. Wow! If you would have asked me that day so long ago if this would be my life, I would have thought you were crazy. Just goes to show you that you can't predict your life. I never would have thought that my mom would be gone. She was such a force in my life that to even imagine her out of it was unfathomable. Now though, she has been gone 2 years, 4 months, and 18 days. Then again who is counting? Some days it seems like yesterday when I told her my last goodbye and then some days it feel like years and years have passed. The fact is though that she is never more that a thought away. I think of her everyday if not numerous times a day. When I see a butterfly for example, she is first and foremost in my mind. She loved butterflies and I always think of them as her way of saying hi. I just pray that she is proud of the person I am. Even though I know I will never be as great of a person that she was, I hope that I'm a fraction of what she was. 


Lauren, my fourth baby and the best surprise of my life has been quite literally a God send. She was the reason in those dark hours after mom was gone that I continued to get up and live. After all, how could I leave a helpless infant to fend for herself? 


My brain, ugh that thing. What a complication it has become. Haha While I am happy for a diagnosis, it doesn't make it any easier. The diagnosis didn't take anyway the pain or the fatigue that I am prone to suffer. It just is what it is. While I am trying my best everyday not to let it define me, some days are a lot harder than others. 


So here I am, three years later with a couple more followers (thanks) and still babbling about my life. Sure it isn't always interesting, but it is my life and I wouldn't change it for the world. maybe just a lifetime supply of chocolate

1 comment:

Donna @ The House on the Corner said...

Sending {hugs} to you. I know exactly what you mean - it hurts so much it could have happened yesterday but each day has been such a struggle - it feels like its taken forever to get here. My mom was the reason I tried so hard, in everything I did. I wanted to make her proud. With her gone, it's almost like trying isn't worth the effort anymore - who's going to care if I do succeed. But I guess now, we are that force for our children. So that when we leave them behind, they when will be better people for having tried hard to succeed and wanting to be that example for their children. I guess that's what keeps us all moving along.