3/21/2009

Let the fun begin..

The other night I was having regular contractions every ten minutes for about 3-4 hours. I was drinking a ton of fluid and was resting. After speaking with the doctor, I ate something small and took a warm bath. They stopped soon after that. I was relieved and disappointed all at the same time. I'm sick of being pregnant, but on the other hand, I need to prepare. Things in my life have taken a drastic turn for the worse also so technically now is not a good time for this little one to be born. 

We found out yesterday that my mom's cancer has spread to her brain. It is affecting the left side of her body. She has little to no movement in her arm, she can't hear out of that side and her vision is distorted. There is nothing that can be done anymore, but to make sure she is comfortable. We will bring her home hopefully by next Friday to take care of her and help her to live out the last weeks that she has.  I'm just kind of numb and still trying to process right now. I keep feeling like I am going to wake up from this awful nightmare, yet it just continues. I feel so bad for my kids. They will never know the wonderful woman I knew growing up. Life just isn't fair sometimes, but I know that it is not in our hands. At the beginning of this pregnancy, I was shocked and worried to say the least. I now realize that God gave me this precious gift to help me cope with my mom' s failing health and her ultimate death. He knows that to lose her would completely devastate me and possibly make me lose my mind, but with a new little one to care for, to pour all my heart and soul into, it might help numb that pain that I will feel all too soon. I know that is a lot to put on a baby, but I truly believe this was the way God planned it to be. My mom is the woman and mother that I strive to be. If I am half of what she is then I will be happy. Of course just like her, after hearing the devastating news yesterday, she was worried not about herself, but of us. She wants to make sure we are okay and comforted. She shows no fear of what is to come, yet it has to be there. We know that she will go to a better place. A place where she doesn't have to worry about trying to take a deep breath, where she can walk without having to stop to breath. A beautiful place where she will be joined by family members and pets that have passed before her. She of course will make that place a little brighter because she has arrived. As much as we will miss her, we know that she will be waiting for us just on the other side when it is our time to join her. Angels walk on the Earth everyday and my mom is one. God is just ready for her to come back home to him and we have to be blessed that we got her for the time we did. 

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