3/21/2013

I broke my son.

My beautiful, happy, fun loving little boy is broken and it is my fault. You see Alexander has always had a bit of anxiety. When you have an older brother with ADHD, ODD, sensory issues and possible Autism, you learn that life can be crazy and not always in a good way. Especially when that brother constantly threatens running away. Every time Nick would go into a fit as we call it, I would see Alex slowly inch his way to stand in front of the door in case this was the time Nick was really going to follow through. Well, it got better while Nick still has fits, he has stopped threatening running away. Alex is always worried about the dog running away because if she is off her leash she takes off, however she has always come back. The damn dog is afraid of her own shadow so she wouldn't get far. He has gotten better about that but you can see the effort it takes him not to panic when she goes by the door without a leash on. So here comes the part where I broke him. When I talked to my kids last month about my dad's health, I inadvertently added more anxiety to my baby. Ever since,  he has had extreme separation anxiety when it comes to me. He wouldn't even go on an outing with his Grandparents because I was not going and had made himself sick to his stomach. Now, it is rolling over to school and every morning he is sick to his stomach and close to tears. Yesterday afternoon he found out I would be gone all weekend and the poor guy was up all night with stomach pain because I won't be here. I kept him home from school thinking that perhaps it was a real stomachache, but an hour after the other kids were at school, he was perfectly fine. He ate breakfast with no issue and went back to annoying his sister. I called the school and got the ok to bring him in. As soon as he realized he was going to school, he had stomach pain, got extremely upset and cried all the way there. I offered to give him something of mine to keep in his pocket, but he said it would make him sadder. So like in the book The Kissing Hand, I gave his hand a big kiss and told him to squeeze it tight if he got upset and missed me. It took all the strength I had to make him go to school, but I know I wasn't doing anyone any favors by allowing him to give in to the anxiety and stay home. I am hoping that perhaps this weekend's trip will help with the anxiety when he sees me come home Sunday, maybe then he will realize the I am not going anywhere for a long time.